Margin of Error

“I love your scarf.”

Maybe she was too old to be listening to Chappell Roan, but she refused to apologize for indulging in whatever her heart desired this year.

It was just . . . Marin had allowed her fantasies to run a bit wild over the last two years. She’d been immediately drawn to Charlotte that morning on the bus, had felt a little ping in her belly reminding her that, yes, she was a lesbian. A very, very repressed one.

Right now, she wanted to spend a few hours reading in comfort. Sapphic fiction—sapphic romance in particular—had gotten her through long years stuck in a loveless marriage. In those books, she saw women like herself living happily, loving each other . . . thriving.

It helped her to understand her sexuality, to accept herself for who she was, to know what she wanted in life. And the sex scenes? Suffice it to say, Marin had spent many an evening reading steamy books before indulging in some self-care with her vibrator, which was a million times hotter than anything she’d ever experienced with her husband.

Then she could date. Hopefully that would all happen quickly, though, because after so many years of fantasies, Marin was fairly desperate to kiss and touch someone she felt a real attraction for.

She wanted a girlfriend, a life partner, a wife. Honestly, she could hardly wait. Dating was her top priority, just as soon as she’d taken the steps to get herself ready.

She smiled. Oh yes, she could imagine it. She could see herself sitting in a cozy chair with her new girlfriend.

Getting a divorce, starting a new career, coming out . . . those were all changes made to reward her adult self. But a puppy? This would be a gift to her inner child, and little Marin was long overdue to have a puppy.

As the youngest of five, Marin heard that word a lot while she was growing up. She’d been an afterthought, a later-in-life “oops,” and so she’d been expected to go with the flow. With older siblings always being shuttled from one activity to another, no one had time to cater to Marin’s whims. She’d worn her older sisters’ hand-me-downs and lost herself in books while she sat through their lessons and games.

Still, she’d internalized from an early age that she should put her own wants and needs aside and go along with what everyone else wanted, but now . . . now it was finally her turn.

Maybe this was one way to get her attraction to Charlotte under control, because even if Charlotte liked women—which was a big if since Charlotte had definitely responded to Marin’s announcement like a straight ally—she certainly wouldn’t be interested in someone as messy as Marin had been in her presence.

“Hmm.” It did sound exciting when Charlotte laid it out like that . . . not that she recommended the whole “heart stopping” thing. But she was proud of herself for making so many changes in her life.

Well, this had gone off the rails alarmingly quickly. Marin cleared her throat, attempting to change the subject in her sex-starved brain.

“Damn straight.” Charlotte giggled, embracing the tipsiness. “Or not straight. You know what I mean.”

“It’s only my second year teaching too,” Audrey said with enthusiasm. “Isn’t it great? I hope you’re loving it, and I’m glad you’re here with the Pride Coalition. We’ve been short a faculty sponsor this year, and with the political climate being what it is, I was afraid the university might start trying to shut down the club.”

Such a shame, though, that she was finally free to pursue a relationship with a woman, and she’d immediately gone and fallen for her straight friend.

But no matter how badly Marin wished otherwise, Charlotte wasn’t the one.

It had been such a sweet and thoughtful gesture, so romantic . . . in a strictly platonic sense. Not for the first time, Marin was grateful for their friendship

Marin chuckled. “I’m not hating on them. In fact, if I’ve learned anything over the last few years, it’s this: Not everything can be explained by statistical models, even when you account for the margin of error. Sometimes, you have to trust your instincts and believe in the unbelievable.”

Marin’s head was swimming, and her emotions were in chaos. She unlocked her own car and tucked Ember into her crate on the back seat. As she started the drive home, tears gathered in her eyes because the more she thought about it, the more she wondered if she was leading Laura on. Laura seemed genuinely interested in her, while Marin was so hung up on Charlotte, she couldn’t even think straight.

“Right?” Marin’s lips quirked. “There I was, ignoring my husband, spending every free moment with my Kindle and my vibrator.”

Charlotte would have to rearrange most of her showings this weekend, but Marin was her priority right now. Health and happiness came before work, which was something she hadn’t always realized in the past.

“So you’re telling me there’s only one bed?” Marin couldn’t help laughing.