Accidentally Falling for Her

I’ll never forget the first time I saw a bride. I was seven years old, and my uncle was getting married, but all I really cared about was the pretty new dress I’d gotten to pick out for the occasion. I’d always loved playing dress-up and covering myself in sparkly things, but that day felt different. There was no pretending that I was in a castle, no using my imagination to create a fantasy world of wonder. It was real.

While other little girls might dream of finding their prince charming to marry one day, I’ve always been far more interested in the brides than the man they’re walking down the aisle to.

Art’s straight and doesn’t have anything about his sexual orientation to hide from his parents. He is hiding the fact that he’s very liberal, though, and that’s probably just as bad in the eyes of our fathers.

I have never once in my life described myself as a “hugger,” but I scramble out of my bed like my ass is on fire because the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen is offering to wrap her arms around me, and not returning her hug right now sounds like the worst decision I could possibly make.

“I hope it isn’t weird that I’m starting with this, but you’re probably one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen, so I apologize in advance if you catch me staring,”

“That’s why my friends and I practiced kissing each other first,” I tell them.

“Your female friends?”

I can confirm that kissing Sage is just like kissing anyone else, and then I can move the fuck on from this crush.

Like I must already be dead. Because there is no way that my dream girl is making that noise while kissing me, and is still claiming to be straight.

I’ve ever seen—it has to be some cruel joke from the universe that she’s now passionately kissing me, but that it doesn’t actually mean anything. I must have done something horrible in another life to deserve this fate.

“Not if it was Aspen; she’s your best friend. I wouldn't want you to go around kissing other guys, but girls don’t count as cheating.”

She deepens the kiss, slipping her tongue into my mouth, and I’m gone. I’m lost in my head, in the fairy tale version of our friendship where Sage is kissing me because she wants to, not as some performance for the frat-bros surrounding us. I block out their encouragements, ignoring the fact that her boyfriend is standing mere feet away, and sink into my fantasy. I’m careful to always follow her lead, holding myself back from what I would do if things really were different between us, if any of it was real.

I would never want to hold Aspen back from her dreams. But the more time we spend apart, the more obvious it becomes that a big part of my own dream is to remain in the same city as her. I’m not an idiot. I know we can’t be roommates forever, that we’ll probably end up in relationships and eventually settle down and live apart. But we can do that and still be neighbors, still be best friends. Aspen is the kind of friend that I want around for the rest of my life. I feel like I’m not truly myself when she isn’t near. I’m planning to get a master’s degree, but I’m sure that whatever big city Aspen ends up in will have a university I can continue my studies at.

The office manager, this gay Latino kid who’s probably way too young to be in charge of anyone at, like, twenty-five—no doubt a diversity hire—had the audacity to blame the weather.

“There actually is something wrong with it. You sound racist, homophobic, and like you’re discriminating based on his age. If you talk like that at work, I’m shocked you haven’t had HR complaints.”

Looking around at the kids again, I realize I’ve never seriously thought about if I want any of my own. In the past, I had just assumed it would happen one day, but as I take the time to really consider adding a person that I’m responsible for into the world, even if I’m sharing that role with Aspen, it doesn’t sound very appealing to me. I love my nieces and nephews. Spending time with them is amazing, and I would do anything for them, but being a fun aunt isn’t the same as being a mom.

Thanks to my parents who’ve been very supportive, even if I hope they never actually read any of my books.